Club Dog Award Ceremony

Well what a night – my tail is worn out with wagging and my paws are pulsating after presenting lots of hotly contested and incredibly prestigious awards to members of the Club last night. It was of course Club AGM night and once we had heard from the chair person (“we’re all happy”)(“ish”), the treasurer (“we’re floating”) and the dive safety officer (“no one died”)….it was my (well daddy’s) turn to kick off the award ceremony with a few statistics. Apparently my 50 human diving friends have done 479 dives collectively on Club trips which means they have spent over 374 hours under water whilst I have been patiently waiting, wagging my tail and watching their bubbles. More amazing still, they have dived to a collective depth of 11,099 metres which is even deeper than the Mariana Trench (10,994m) which daddy said would have squashed anyone really diving to that depth with 1086 bars of pressure. I’m confused by this as I thought bars were places where people bought me crisps and sometimes let me drink their beer. Anyhow, after all those breathtaking facts n figures the awards were presented (by me) as follows:

AWARD for the smug b***ard who’s best in all categories – this certificate was presented to TIM SAVILLE for the longest dive, deepest dive, most dives on most trips …blah blah blah. This was based on all the figures from the log sheet – no surprise there really…. Timmy won his own baseball cap back (long story- glad he’s got it back as it was very smelly).

AWARD for the biggest navigation cock up – this certificate was presented to BOB JONES for surfacing on the wrong side of the Farnes and having to be shown the way home by Sammy Seal. Bob won a guide book for the Coast to Coast to ensure he can find his way on land should he ever be beached (can I come walkies with you Bob?).

AWARD for all the gear and no (or every!) idea – this certificate was presented to CHRIS HANDLEY  for purchasing the most impressive range of dive equipment in 2017 now that he’s all rebreathered up -and of course we all know that Chris really has more idea than most of us put together (and definitely more than me because I’m a dog). Chris won a multi-tool to add to his kit collection.

AWARD for the best kept drysuit – this certificate was presented to JOHNY RANGELEY for keeping that lovely new drysuit in the wardrobe and rarely putting it in the water. Johny won some trendy moth balls which smell funny to keep with his drysuit.

AWARD for best buddy pair – this certificate was presented to AMANDA AND KEITH  for diving in perfect harmony and therefore recording identical depths and times on all the logsheets. They won a pair of dolphins which have salt n pepper in them and then they gave me lots of tickles so I really do think they’re the best.

AWARD for the most hard working Club Member – this certificate was presented to ANDY LAMB for all his hard work in 2017, above and beyond the call of duty. Andy’s put me on the new website and lets me do stuff so I love Andy! Woof woof! Andy won a pen so he can keep doing the minutes and doodling in committee meetings.

AWARD for best trip secretary – this certificate was presented to MARK BUXTON for remembering to do all the important stuff really well instead of just bringing hob nobs and hoping for the best. Mark would have won a packet of hob nobs but as he wasn’t able to come to the AGM I ate the whole lot on the way home in the car – sorry Mark. I feel a bit sick now.

So – that was the end of the better-than-the-Oscars awards and if you think you’d like to win one of my incredibly special and totally silly awards next year then you had better come diving with me. The categories might not be the same, but I’m sure the competition to excel will be fierce!

Woof woof for now x

Don’t forget to test all your kit

Well its a wintry day out there all you non-hairy  divers – I’m looking forward to getting my paws chilly in the white stuff after work. Mum has bought me a gorgeous new coat which I need to try out in extreme conditions. Its a touch humiliating that she and I are now colour coded, but until I find a way to earn my own pennies I am dependent upon my parents for my outdoor gear. Anyhow, this has reminded me that I need to get them to take me up to Capernwray soon to test out all the kit stored over the chilly months and allow me to cadge some large slices of cake and snuffle people’s sandwiches when they’re not looking. There are a few people putting opportunities for buddies on facebook….so hopefully see you up there very soon….I’m the orange one….and so is she….sigh!

Woofs

Club Lady xx

 

It’s a Dogs Life

Trip Report by Lady, Club Dog

St Abbs 24th & 25th September 2016
with Barry Shaw, Ruth Hair, Chris Handley, Graham Watters, Sheelagh Kay, Stuart Fox, Tim Saville, Liz Saville, Andy J Batley, Bev Batley.

I love it when Auntie Wooof turns up in her big van on a Friday – its means we’re going on an adventure which spices up my very dull life going to work at Mars Petfood factory every day with Daddy. Even though we drive a long way, the journeys not too bad because we stop somewhere where they pass food through the window which is fab. After that we stopped at a pub in Coldingham which said I was welcome in the lounge bar, so welcome that the lovely lovely lady who worked there gave me a whole plate of roast beef. This meant I had to stamp on Auntie Wooof’s face in the middle of the night so she’d let me out because my tummy’s not used to piles of roast beef so late at night you know.

Anyhow – next morning I checked out all my favourite places on the harbour whilst everyone got in their funny suits. I’d been up at the harbour the weekend before launching the lifeboat and being a V.I.D. but not drinking prosecco as I’m a dog and it tickles my nose, so I have lots of favourite places to go and sniff and everyone knows me. Sniffing done, I went back to bed for a snooze whilst Auntie Wooof and Daddy and their friends went off on the boat and did two dives near the lighthouse and at West Hurker. If they’d walked on the cliff top instead they’d have seen lots of bunnies, but they seemed happy that they’d seen loads of lobbies and stuff – great viz as well, whatever that means. They were raving about seeing a massive pod of dolphins which they apparently followed up the coast – a bit like me chasing bunnies I suppose. The dolphins were playing and jumping out of the water – bunnies don’t do this. I prefer bunnies. Dolphins don’t have fur or legs apparently – they sound very strange and really not at all like bunnies.

Lunchtime was good as Euan showed us all around the lifeboat station and I got to give the boat a good sniff close up – it’s very big and orange and smells salty. Everyone seemed quite emotional about it and Euan seemed very proud of everything that has happened to get the boat there. I felt very V.I.D. again as lots of people had taken photos of me on launch day with my special Lifeboat t-Shirt on.

That evening was the best night out ever. The very kind lady at the pub had set us up in a special room so I could sit at the head of the table with my own water bowl and another plate of roast beef. I also had lamb shank, chips and a few veg. It was lovely. Bit disappointed I got no beer. Everyone else seemed to have lots of beer. We had a jolly evening with our new friends Arf and Joren from Holland – no idea if that’s how you spell their names but I’m a dog so I can get away with it.

Next day was another lovely day and everyone headed out early to dive Black Carrs which looked a bit lumpy and wavy to me, but was apparently OK underneath – what do I know – I can’t even swim well. Then it was lunchtime and I tried to train Eddie, the on-site Labrador, how to climb on the table and eat people’s sandwiches whilst looking cute, but he just carried his bowl around in his mouth and looked smugly superior. I like him, but he needs to be naughtier – he’ll get more treats that way. Next dive was Bander Reef along the coast near Fast Castle. Auntie Wooof raved about being in a beautiful place and not wanting to come up, she’s so over emotional sometimes.

And that was it – back on the road again with Daddy snoring and Auntie Wooof doing ALL the driving as usual. I had a fantastic weekend. St Abbs is a very special place and the people there are all lovely – I hope we go back soon. I am very lucky to be Club Dog.