Well what a night – my tail is worn out with wagging and my paws are pulsating after presenting lots of hotly contested and incredibly prestigious awards to members of the Club last night. It was of course Club AGM night and once we had heard from the chair person (“we’re all happy”)(“ish”), the treasurer (“we’re floating”) and the dive safety officer (“no one died”)….it was my (well daddy’s) turn to kick off the award ceremony with a few statistics. Apparently my 50 human diving friends have done 479 dives collectively on Club trips which means they have spent over 374 hours under water whilst I have been patiently waiting, wagging my tail and watching their bubbles. More amazing still, they have dived to a collective depth of 11,099 metres which is even deeper than the Mariana Trench (10,994m) which daddy said would have squashed anyone really diving to that depth with 1086 bars of pressure. I’m confused by this as I thought bars were places where people bought me crisps and sometimes let me drink their beer. Anyhow, after all those breathtaking facts n figures the awards were presented (by me) as follows:
AWARD for the smug b***ard who’s best in all categories – this certificate was presented to TIM SAVILLE for the longest dive, deepest dive, most dives on most trips …blah blah blah. This was based on all the figures from the log sheet – no surprise there really…. Timmy won his own baseball cap back (long story- glad he’s got it back as it was very smelly).
AWARD for the biggest navigation cock up – this certificate was presented to BOB JONES for surfacing on the wrong side of the Farnes and having to be shown the way home by Sammy Seal. Bob won a guide book for the Coast to Coast to ensure he can find his way on land should he ever be beached (can I come walkies with you Bob?).
AWARD for all the gear and no (or every!) idea – this certificate was presented to CHRIS HANDLEY for purchasing the most impressive range of dive equipment in 2017 now that he’s all rebreathered up -and of course we all know that Chris really has more idea than most of us put together (and definitely more than me because I’m a dog). Chris won a multi-tool to add to his kit collection.
AWARD for the best kept drysuit – this certificate was presented to JOHNY RANGELEY for keeping that lovely new drysuit in the wardrobe and rarely putting it in the water. Johny won some trendy moth balls which smell funny to keep with his drysuit.
AWARD for best buddy pair – this certificate was presented to AMANDA AND KEITH for diving in perfect harmony and therefore recording identical depths and times on all the logsheets. They won a pair of dolphins which have salt n pepper in them and then they gave me lots of tickles so I really do think they’re the best.
AWARD for the most hard working Club Member – this certificate was presented to ANDY LAMB for all his hard work in 2017, above and beyond the call of duty. Andy’s put me on the new website and lets me do stuff so I love Andy! Woof woof! Andy won a pen so he can keep doing the minutes and doodling in committee meetings.
AWARD for best trip secretary – this certificate was presented to MARK BUXTON for remembering to do all the important stuff really well instead of just bringing hob nobs and hoping for the best. Mark would have won a packet of hob nobs but as he wasn’t able to come to the AGM I ate the whole lot on the way home in the car – sorry Mark. I feel a bit sick now.
So – that was the end of the better-than-the-Oscars awards and if you think you’d like to win one of my incredibly special and totally silly awards next year then you had better come diving with me. The categories might not be the same, but I’m sure the competition to excel will be fierce!
Woof woof for now x